Wednesday, May 7, 2014

God Save Our Women



 
     I went to Catholic school, and CCD. I saw the videos of aborted babies, I heard all the negative comments, and I know it is against everything the Church stands for. But at such a young age, with no life experience to build meaning to the argument I never took a real stand. Until today.  Hearing of this viral video of a woman’s abortion on Vimeo I thought… really? I had to investigate for myself. I am not here to judge this girl, that is not my job, but I can certainly have an opinion about it. The whole thing sickens me and saddens me. The film of this young woman, going through an abortion on camera, is just wrong. Her background as an abortion counselor should have given her the means to prevent this. I can’t help but wonder if this former “actress” used this opportunity for fame. She knew the moment she got pregnant she would have an abortion. She is being applauded for taking the mystery out of this procedure and showing other young women it is “no big deal”.  I understand everyone has free will and a choice to determine what happens to her own body.Who speaks for the child?  I am not free from this shadowy subject. At 43 years old I got pregnant. I was initially mortified. I had just opened a business a year earlier and was working crazy hours to get it up and running. I immediately thought of this as an inconvenience, or a cruel joke. But I also wondered if this was truly God’s plan for me. I called Planned Parenthood and heard their whole spiel about the process. I even questioned the best days for me; honestly, trying to figure what would work best in my busy schedule. Something I am not proud of. But ultimately in discussion with my now ex-husband we decided to keep this baby. I thought most certainly there was purpose and a lesson in this “gift” we were given. So we embraced the pregnancy, and told our children. Two weeks later I began bleeding and ultimately lost the baby. I felt an enormous amount of guilt; did I wish this baby away? Was I being punished for initially not wanting the baby? These questions would haunt me. The decision was mine, just as it was of this young woman. I am not holier than anyone, I am a sinner. But I am also at this point of my life seeking more answers on my journey to the kingdom of God. And trying my best to live on Gods purpose for my life. And shame on Cosmo. I must admit I was an avid reader of Cosmo in the day but looking back I have to wonder if ANY of the articles that I read did me any good in the long term. If I was not having the best sex, or the clearest skin, or the thinnest thighs or flattest abs I was just not good enough. This constant barrage of pursuing the ultimate self-fulfillment lauded by Cosmo and most magazines today did me no favors. This selfish pursuit and narcissistic approach left me insecure and doubting my worth, a struggle that continues today. I choose to take a stand, to not applaud this self-first and the rest be damned attitude anymore. It is a work in progress as am I. The feminism of Cosmo back in the day and the radical feminism of current media are creating a visionless society of women.  Those that seek self-gratification before serving others, before serving God.  And the media that applauds this sickens me. Satan’s work is to overturn Gods order.  He does this not through grand gestures but small whispers, daily to lead us astray. You just need to look at the state of the world today to see this. My hope and prayer is that we go back to standards and morals of years gone by. Where we seek the wisdom and guidance of people we can respect. Not the consumerism driven media.

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